


Haught Beginnings

by Only1leia



Category: Wynonna Earp - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Childhood, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, First Love, origin, relationship, teen, young adult
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 19:20:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15079946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Only1leia/pseuds/Only1leia
Summary: A Nicole Haught origin story.





	1. Haught and Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Childhood

Henry Haught was a father. It was Janurary 5 and his wife, Camille, started having contractions early that morning. They drove in nervous silence to the hospital. They had done this once before, and the baby that came then was a stillborn. Henry had been nervous wreck the entire pregnancy and now that it was happening, he didn't have words of reassurance for his wife as they drove. The delivery was uncomplicated as far as twin births went, and when he heard their tiny screams for the first time, there were tears in his eyes. A boy and a girl, perfect tiny creatures that squirmed and cried and slept. 

***

The ten-year old Nicole stood, hands on her hips with an indignant look on her face. It was a battle of wills, who would give in? Her twin brother Danny was nearby, supporting her by standing up to their father. “Why can't she play?” 

“Girls don't play sports. That's why.” His voice was firm. Both kids let out exasperated sighs and retreated to their bedroom. 

“It's not fair, you are way better than me at baseball,” Danny lamented once they were behind the closed door. 

Nicole’s face broke into a mischievous grin. “I have an idea. We could trade places. Tomorrow’s game. After Dad brings us to the field I'll go to play at the park. He never watches me once the game starts. You use the bathroom, I'll double back and meet you there and we'll trade clothes. As long as you stay out of sight until the game is over, he won't notice a thing!”

“Uh, aren't you forgetting something? The coach will know. Plus you have long hair, that's going to be kind of noticeable.” Danny chewed on his lip, a trait they both shared. 

“The hair is easy, I can braid it and pin it up so it can tuck under the hat. As far as Coach P. he loves me. Plus I've heard him say he wishes I would play on the team, as long as he doesn't tell Dad I think it would be okay.”

Danny nodded in agreement, “alright, let’s try it.” Nicole’s face broke out in a huge smile. She couldn't wait for tomorrow.

Saturday morning. Game day. Nicole was giddy with her excitement. Their plan had worked. The clothes swap went off without a hitch, and when Nicole showed up in the dugout it took a few minutes before Coach P. realized Danny was actually his sister. He agreed to keep their secret. 

The game was fantastic. Nicole scored on her first at bat and she could hear her dad cheering loudly. Halfway through the game, she grabbed a fly ball to end the inning. In the final inning, she stole home base for the winning run. She was walking on clouds as she ran to the bathroom to meet Danny and switch back into her clothes. 

She eased the door open, making sure it was empty before going in. “Danny! We won!” There was no answer and she peeked around the corner past the urinals to check for him. No sign of him at all. He was supposed to be here before she got done shaking hands with the other team so they could make the switch fast. She furrowed an eyebrow and cracked the door to see if he was just running late. Still no Danny, but she saw a huge group of parents running towards the playground. Nicole started getting worried and slipped out of the bathroom to see what was going on. When she reached the edge of the sand, she saw her father cradling Danny in his arms. There was blood - a lot of blood - seeping out of his head. There was a kid standing awkwardly close, gaze flitting between Danny and her dad, and his own father who was scowling with arms crossed. 

Nicole inched closer, the kid’s face was marked with dirt, it looked like he was crying, then tried wiping the tears with a dirty hand. She heard him saying “it was an accident, I swear I didn't push him.” Tears appeared in Nicole’s eyes, and a tightness in her chest. She vaguely heard sirens as the ambulance drove up and parked on the grass next to the park. 

Everything became a blur. She watched as they took Danny from her dad and laid him on a stretcher, his neck in a brace so he couldn't move. Her father wordlessly grabbed her shirt and pulled her into the ambulance doors to ride to the hospital. The hospital was busy, doctors and nurses rushing past as she sat on one of the hard chairs. She knew she was crying only from the teardrops that kept falling on the dirt-covered baseball pants she was still wearing, but she felt completely numb. 

At some point her mother came in and fretted over the sleeping boy in the hospital bed before a nurse waved her away. Nicole stared at the IV bag, slowly dripping away. Eventually the chaos calmed down. The windows darkened as night fell. 

Nicole had fallen asleep in the chair and was being shaken awake gently. “Nicole, your brother is asking for you.” Her eyes shot open and she wiped the drool from her mouth. The nurse that was in front of her smiled at her kindly, but sadly. “Your parents are discussing options with our lead doctor right now.” The nurse helped her to her feet.

Nicole made her way to the bed, staring at the IV lines and the neck brace. “Hey sis,” her brother croaked out. Nicole's lip trembled slightly at the harsh sound. “I … I don't think it is looking great,” he stopped suddenly, the monitors that were attached beeping rapidly. The nurse quickly punched a few buttons and adjusted the medication flowing into him. Danny's eyes fluttered as he struggled to keep them open. “One thing. Please promise … one thing.”

“Of course, anything for you,” her eyes were heavy with tears that were about to spill over, but Nicole stared into Danny's eyes, she never wanted to forget this moment. 

“Always, no matter what, be yourself.” The tears that were waiting to flow, did. The nurse had already grabbed a tissue and handed it to the girl. She had tears in her own eyes as she patted Danny's hand gently. He inhaled shakily, and continued, “you have the biggest heart of everyone I know. Don't let anyone break that. Don't break, Nicole. I love you and I always will.” His eyes sparkled brightly, though the bags underneath and his sallow face didn't match them. His eyes closed from exhaustion and she leaned down and hugged him, careful of the tubes that surround him. She heard a slight gasp of pain, but he managed to take one of her hands and squeeze it weakly. 

“I love you, too,” she whispered, but he didn't respond. She stroked his cheek with her thumb and kissed his forehead. The monitors started beeping again and the nurse told Nicole to sit down as she paged the doctor. 

Moments later the doctor and both her parents were rushing in. Nicole curled up in the uncomfortable chair and put the baseball cap on, lowering it down trying to block out the urgency that was suddenly taking over the room. She heard the word ‘surgery’ and more doctors piled into the room. The sides of the hospital bed were raised as they prepared to wheel him down to the operating room. She heard sudden thudding and peeked out of her hat in enough time to see Danny's body thrashing violently.

“He's seizing! Push .03 of diazepam.” There was a scurry of activity as the staff worked to stop the seizure, the wild beeping of the machines was making Nicole feel anxious and curl up tighter. The seizure controlled, they wheeled the bed down the hallway, her parents following it down and leaving their daughter in the now eerily quiet room. She fell into a restless sleep filled with bad dreams. 

Nicole barely woke when her father carried her to the car and they drove home. She woke up hours later in her bed. She stared across the room at her brother’s empty bed and fought back tears. Maybe he wasn't gone. Maybe her parents decided she should go home to rest. She got out of bed and sought out her parents. Only her dad was home. He sat on the couch in the living room, staring at the blank TV screen. “D-dad? How is Danny?” Her wide eyes looked at him, dreading the answer. 

He turned to her, taking a drink from a short glass he was holding, the ice cubes clinking as he set it back down. His mouth opened, but it closed right away. Instead, he shook his head sadly. His eyes were dry, but his body looked tired. She turned to go back to her room when she heard him clear his throat. “This. This is on you, Nicole.” His voice was just above a whisper and Nicole felt the back of her neck prickle with a sudden coolness. She didn't respond and continued to her room to sob into her pillow. 

She must have cried herself to sleep, because she woke up to her mother bringing a tray of food to her. Nicole only then realized she hadn't eaten anything since the day before. Her stomach rumbled at the smell, but the act of eating was a chore as she brought spoonfuls of soup to her mouth and forced each one down. She was thankful she didn't have to chew anything, she didn't know if she had the energy. Her mother watched silently, and once Nicole was done she sat on the bed next to her and put a hand on her daughter's leg. “How are you feeling, Nicole?” The voice was gentle, almost fragile sounding. 

Nicole considered telling her mother what her father said to her, but decided against it. It was the grief talking earlier, it had to have been. It didn't help that she already felt guilty, like it was her fault. Maybe her dad was right after all. Danny would still be here if she hadn't taken his place for the game. Her shoulders shook and she realized she was crying again. Her mom put an arm around Nicole, holding her tightly. She couldn't verbalize an answer, so she just allowed herself to cry in her mom’s safe arms. 

Days passed and the Haught family was getting used to their new normal. Friends and neighbors kept a stream of home cooked meals delivered to them. Communication between the three of them got difficult because no one knew what to say to each other anymore. Nicole didn’t have her twin brother to talk with, play with, or just be with. Each night before she fell asleep, she would repeat his last words to her exactly as he had said them: “Always, no matter what, be yourself. You have the biggest heart of everyone I know. Don't let anyone break that. Don't break, Nicole. I love you and I always will.” Sometimes she cried, sometimes she didn’t. The first few weeks after his passing she cried every time she whispered his words to herself at night. 

The days were cooling off now, and school was starting. Nicole spent fifth grade mostly in a state of shock. Her parents made her see a therapist, but she barely remembered a single session of it. It was spring when Nicole noticed the change in her father. Each of them had changed in their own way, and Henry had turned to drinking to cope with the loss of his son. Usually he would have a glass of scotch, or rum, or whatever he was in the mood for and then pass out. Sometimes he wouldn’t make it to his room and Nicole would wake up to find him still on the couch. She hardly talked to him, since he was usually avoiding her. Their eyes rarely met, and their conversations were always short and to the point.

The young Haught learned to adapt to her new dad. One afternoon she found a baseball sign-up flyer on the floor at school. No, it wasn’t baseball. It was a brand-new girls’ softball team. Her heart raced and she started to get excited for the first time in a long time. When she got home she threw her backpack down and found her father on the couch. He was home sick from work that day, though the cause of his illness was one too many drinks. “Dad! Can I join this new team?” she blurted out at him, shoving the flyer under his nose. 

Instead of sharing in her excitement, he stared at the piece of paper silently. He finally looked up at her, his eyes cold and unblinking. “This shit is what destroyed our family,” to make his point, he tore the paper in half, then in half again. He crumpled the pieces up and threw them at his daughter. “Get the fuck out of my sight before I make it happen myself,” he turned away from her.

Nicole was shocked, hurt, and dismayed all at once. She had hoped he’d find some joy in her new excitement and possible happiness. Instead, she got berated and threatened. With a huff she stormed off to her room.

She avoided her father. Most times he opened his mouth to speak to her was only to tease her and make her feel bad about herself. She stopped listening to him and concentrated harder on school. Her mother didn’t see it, or chose not to care. Nicole didn’t want to bring it up, because he saw the pain her mother was in constantly. She realized he was doing it to her, too. She didn’t know how to talk with her mother, so she didn’t talk at all. 

It had been a year now. The three of them gathered at the cemetery, on the grassy hill where Danny’s body was put to rest. They each said a prayer before going home. Henry had been drinking all day. Both Nicole and Camille tried to stay busy and out of his way. Evening fell, and Camille retired to the master bedroom. Henry stayed up for his nightcap. Nicole was making her way to her room, when she was suddenly blocked by her father standing in the hallway. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

She blinked at him, “What?”

“You heard me. What should you be saying right now?” Nicole was puzzled, and before she could answer, a hard fist connected with her shoulder. The sudden force spun her around as she stumbled to the floor. She stayed there, mouth agape. Her father had never laid a hand on her. She was now used to his hurtful words, which she tried to counter by her nightly ritual recalling Danny’s words to her. Apparently her silence was too long, and she heard the slap of his hand across her face before it started to sting her cheek. “The correct response was ‘I’m sorry’ Nicole. Now, you say it.”

“I’m-I’m sorry,” she sputtered, still on the floor. She crawled away from him, into her room and shut the door. She leaned against it, and heard her father approach her room and pause outside her door. She held her breath, but his footsteps continued down the hall, into his bedroom and the door clicked shut. She crawled into bed, rubbing her cheek as her tears washed over her face. “Don’t break, Nicole. Don’t let anyone break you,” she whispered to herself before repeating the phrase that was ingrained in her memory from the beginning. 

The weeks and months passed by. Henry didn’t often get physical, but she learned to expect it around their birthday, holidays, and of course his death anniversary. Eventually, her mother left him. She suspected he had started hitting her, but she never said anything. Nicole started building up resentment towards her mother for leaving her with her father. Then she blamed herself: if only she had said something, or if only Danny hadn’t died, or maybe if only she did better in school her mother would have stayed.

Nicole received an occasional letter, or phone call, and usually gifts on her birthday and Christmas. There was no legal divorce, and no custody case opened. She buried herself in school, and joined the junior track team. Joining track was one of the few joys she had. It was unfortunate that she had to join in secret, but she had saved the money her mother would send and forged her parent/guardian’s signature on the forms that needed to be turned in in order to join the team. It was the first time she felt like she belonged somewhere. She opened up and made friends on the team and she felt like her true self was starting to peek out behind the dark clouds that had surrounded her for the past couple of years since her brother’s death.


	2. Haught Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High School

Nicole Haught slammed her locker shut. One of her so-called friends had dropped a nasty note inside between classes. “Dear freak,” it started, “I don't want you coming over anymore. All those things you told me? Yeah, everyone knows about you now so you can't trick anyone anymore. Lose my number and get lost.” It was signed by her (apparently now former) best friend Veronica. With one fist, she crumpled the note, then pounded her newly shut locker with that clenched fist. A couple of girls from her second period were whispering to each other across the hallway and one of them pointed to Nicole. She bit her tongue and spun off in the direction of her last class of the day: Chemistry. It was one of her favorites. Playing with reactions and calculating formulas to the exact specification to do what you want it to do. Something about it all just excited her. She shifted the Chem book she had picked up from her locker to rest on her hip for a moment so she could shove the offending note in her pocket. As she pulled her hand back out of her pocket she saw, too late, a girl turning the corner and right into Nicole.

“Oomph! Oh, I'm so sorry I wasn't watching-” the girl looked up at Nicole, then registered who she was. “uh.. sorry again,” she dashed off just as fast as they collided. Nicole hadn't even been able to get a word in. Did Veronica really spread a rumor around that fast? She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to prevent any tears. She would not cry, at least until she got home. She leaned against the hallway wall for a moment, getting her bearings. Her classroom was just ahead, and she made her way in. She glanced at her teacher, Ms. Branch as she slid smoothly into her seat. She refused to look around the room to see if anyone was looking at her. Luckily she sat in the front, so anyone staring at her would just see her back. Nicole was hyper focused on her work today, wanting to bury herself in anything except the awkward glances and whispers of her classmates. The final bell brought Nicole out of her intense concentration. Most of the others grabbed their books and backpacks and ran out the door. She took her time closing her notebook, slipping it and her textbook neatly in her backpack, and sliding her pencil into the slot intended for it. She barely looked up, and when she finally did, she noticed she was alone in the classroom with Ms. Branch. She smiled, feeling embarrassed but not knowing why. Awkwardly, she said, “Sorry, I'm probably holding you back from something by being so slow today.” Though to be honest with herself, she was slow in leaving on many other days as well. 

Ms. Branch pursed her lips together, “of course you're not, Nicole,” her gentle voice was calming, “I'd always make time for you if you ever wanted to talk … about anything,” the instructor caught her gaze, locking eyes for a moment that seemed like an eternity. There was a look of understanding there, and, Nicole thought, sympathy, maybe. Nicole broke the connection, looking down at her backpack as she zipped it shut. It was bad enough she finally figured out why she always lingered in Ms. Branch’s class, the thought of being alone with her scared Nicole. There was already the rumor--well, truth--floating around about her, she didn't need anything else to complicate things. 

She gave the teacher a weak smile, “sure thing, Ms. Branch, I'll keep that in mind.” She stood, long legs stretching as she slung the backpack on one shoulder and left the classroom. 

Nicole missed the bus home on purpose. The walk wasn't too far to her house, and it gave her time to reflect on what exactly happened in the last couple of days.. 

***

It started with her father, as things usually did. She was sitting at the desk in her room doing homework when he stumbled in, reeking of rum. He'd gripped the door to her bedroom with one hand and took a long pull off the bottle in his other hand. He didn't say anything yet, just leered at her drunkenly. Nicole had ignored him, hunched over her work. It wasn't as bad if she submitted quietly. Sometimes he would get bored and leave her alone. That night he didn't. She felt her cheek hit the desk before she realized he had kicked the chair out from under her. She barely heard the chair crash into the corner of the bedroom as a fist connected with the side of her stomach and she felt herself sink to the floor. Her body had curled as much as she could muster, and after a particularly hard blow for her head, felt herself drift into oblivion. 

That had been the worst beating she'd ever had. When she came to, hours later, she was still on the floor where he apparently left her. She felt dizzy and grabbed for a nearby garbage can to throw up in it. When Nicole finished, she tried to steady her breathing as she strained to hear any sounds that would indicate her father was still awake. Hearing nothing, she sat up, attempting to cross her legs but her side was aching too much to fully bend her knee. She realized her head was pounding as well and reached for the bottom drawer in her desk to grab the ibuprofen and water bottle she kept in it. Shakily, she took the pills. She wanted to cry, but her instincts told her it wasn't time yet. Nicole found her emergency phone - the best gift her mother had given her since it was in her own name - and sent a text to her best friend, Veronica. 

She managed to move herself against the wall and her eyes started to close before her fingertips felt the pulse of her phone’s vibrate. She flipped it over to see the screen. Veronica’s response: come over NOW.

Nicole breathed a quiet sigh of relief as she used the wall to hoist herself upright. She realized quite quickly that she wasn't able to bend her knee because he must have kicked it or stepped on it, not because of the punch to her stomach. She slid back down to the floor and crawled to her bed. With some effort, she made it up to a sitting position on top of her mattress. Carefully, she pulled up her pant leg and gaped at the enlarged kneecap. It was hideous looking with its red color and puffy appearance, but mesmerizing at the same time. She prodded the flesh gently, her red skin turning white where she pressed, then filled back to the red. A wince of pain told her that was not her most brilliant idea. She rolled her pants back down and spied her skis in the closet. Nicole slid slowly off the bed and onto her good leg, reaching for her desk chair to steady herself. A few hops forward and she was able to reach one of the skis. It didn't make a great crutch, but it helped steady her enough to hobble around. She slipped her phone in her pocket and grabbed her set of keys. Her bedroom door was still open and she peeked out before exiting. As quietly as she could manage, she made her way to the back door and outside to freedom. 

She immediately regretted the lack of a sweater or jacket. It was early spring, but the wind that night was sharp and biting. Nicole reached her father’s truck and leaned on it as she opened the door. She grabbed the spare key that was under the floor mat, threw her ski/crutch into the cab, and pulled herself up, her face scrunched in silent agony as she was forced to put some weight on her knee, which she was starting to think was dislocated. The good news was it was her left knee. The bad news was the truck was a manual transmission. She settled into the driver’s seat, re-adjusting it for her taller stature before making sure the mirrors were perfect. She was glad she got her driver’s license as soon as she could take the test, and passed her first try. 

Nicole put her right foot on the brake and inhaled slowly as she placed her left foot on the clutch. She let out the breath as she pushed it in and started the car. She clenched her teeth and threw the car in reverse, taking her foot off the brake and easing her left off the clutch slowly as she backed the truck up. She breathed through her clenched teeth as she forced her injured leg down again to shift into first and steered to get out of the driveway. As she eased off the clutch to tap the gas with her right foot, a wave of pain caused her leg to jerk and the car died. With a grunt of frustration, Nicole pressed in the clutch and the brake and started the truck again, this time gripping the wheel tightly as she lifted her clutch foot and pressed the gas gently. Success, the gear engaged and she was off. Every time she shifted gears she practically held her breath, hoping her leg would cooperate. Thankfully she made it to Veronica's house only stalling the truck one other time. Her knee throbbed as she parked the vehicle. She pulled her phone out, texting Veronica she was outside, but needed help to get in. Nicole sighed as she flicked the headlights off and leaned back into the leather seat. She was thankful she had taken the ibuprofen, certain the drugs helped take the edge off the pain in her knee. 

Soon enough, there was a light rap at the door and the truck door opened slowly. When she saw Veronica's face, Nicole realized how messed up she must look. She turned to peek in the rear view mirror and saw the cheek that slammed on the desk was bright red, her right eye was slightly closed due to the swelling on that side of her face. 

“Jesus Christ, Haught,” Veronica breathed as she reached up for Nicole's hand and helped her down, wrapping Nicole's arm around her neck and supporting her. She shut the door once she was out of the truck and they made their way into Veronica's parents’ dark house. 

Veronica's room was in the basement, the back door was practically her own private entrance, so it wasn't hard to sneak in. Veronica helped Nicole onto her bed, grabbing any extra pillows she could find to prop her and her leg up. “What the fuck happened?”

Nicole settled into the fluffy bed. “I don't even know. He didn't say a word to me, just came at me. I was out for most of it, thankfully,” she ran her hand along her leg, then gingerly touched her cheek. “Hey, you got any ice packs down here?” Since the room was in the basement, it came with a few perks. One of which was a fridge/freezer that was in the small bar her parents had built. It also came with a sink, and a bar top with two stools. Veronica's parents didn't keep the cabinet stocked for obvious reasons, but that didn't stop Veronica from sneaking a bit of liquor down once in a while. 

“Yeah, I gotcha covered,” Veronica ducked out of the room, returning with three ziplock bags of ice and a bottle of brandy. Veronica tossed the ice to Nicole and took a swig from the bottle, making a face as she pulled it away, “ugh, this is awful tasting!” Nicole placed two of the bags above and below the swollen knee, and held the third to her face. Veronica offered the bottle to Nicole. “It will help with the pain…” she raised an eyebrow at her. 

Nicole considered. It was too soon to take more ibuprofen, so she reached for the bottle. She tipped it up and guzzled the alcohol quickly but efficiently. She popped the bottle off her lips and held it back out to Veronica, coughing and wishing she'd had a chaser at least. Before Veronica took the bottle, Nicole brought it back to her mouth and took another long drink. Veronica took the brandy, drinking some more before capping it and setting it on her nightstand. Somehow, more than half the bottle was already spent. 

Nicole lay back, adjusting the ice pack on her face to move it up to her eye a tad more. Her head was starting to swim and the throbbing was dulling. She sat up, making sure the ice on her leg was still there. Sitting up was a mistake. The alcohol made her skin feel like it was buzzing. She turned slowly to look at Veronica, but she had disappeared. “Ronnie?” She turned back, seeing Veronica climb on the bed next to her. Somehow the brandy was back in her friend’s hand. 

Veronica took a drink and offered it to Nicole again, who accepted it. The strong taste wasn't as strong and it went down much easier. Nicole dropped the ice pack in her hands. She giggled at the mishap. “Oops, slippy finners,” she slurred, then covered her mouth as she giggled at what came out. Veronica started giggling at Nicole’s giggles. She tried to stifle it, but snorted which led them both to start laughing. She set the bottle back on the nightstand with a clink.

“Shhhhhh,” Veronica put a finger to her own lips, then to Nicole’s and left it there. Veronica’s head was tilted, sort of like a dog with its ear cocked, and Nicole's grin widened, threatening to let out more laughter. She plugged her nose and her shoulders shook, but the laugh stayed silent. Whatever Veronica heard must have passed, but her finger stayed pressed on Nicole's lips. Liquid courage coursing through her blood, Nicole stuck her tongue out, licking Veronica's finger bottom to the tip. Friends did that, right? Nicole froze and felt her heart jump into her throat as Veronica realized her finger was just licked. Her friend looked at her finger, then back at Nicole and started giggling again. When the giggle stopped, she started talking slowly, “That was …” her mouth closed as fingers tapped on her chin. “Hey. You ever kissed anyone b’fore?” 

Nicole felt her temperature rising. This couldn't be happening. She'd always thought Veronica was pretty, but only realized last month that not everyone looked at their best friends like that. She hadn't said anything, afraid of what her reaction might be. Her parents were members of “high society” and Nicole was sure they frowned on anything that wasn't the normal status quo. She felt her head shake, indicating she hadn't kissed anyone. Two seconds later, she felt moist lips pressed on hers. The sudden shock made Nicole's eyes open wide, her right eye still swollen and not able to open as far. They broke apart quickly and Nicole felt her heart racing. She kept still, trying to savor the feeling that had washed over her. Was it the booze or the kiss that was making her head spin? 

“That wassn’ bad, eh?” The corner of Veronica's mouth lifted a bit slyly, “wanna practice for future boysfriends?” She giggled, and Nicole wasn't sure if it was at the idea, or her pronunciation of boyfriends. 

She grinned anyway and leaned closer, “Yeah, but I thin’ boys would kiss more like this,” she put a hand on the back of Veronica's neck and gently pulled her close, parting her mouth and placing it on Veronica's open mouth. Her tongue found its way into Veronica's mouth, grazing the other girl’s tongue unexpectedly. Almost simultaneously they both gasped, now seeking each other's tongue out purposefully. Nicole felt a knot forming in the pit of her stomach, and a warmth between her legs. She momentarily worried she had wet the bed, but then Veronica slipped a hand underneath Nicole’s shirt, reaching up and running a finger softly around her nipple and she couldn't think anymore. A gasp escaped her mouth, interrupting the kiss. Veronica's breathing was heavier, Nicole feeling the warmth of her breath on her still open mouth. Her throat was dry as Veronica was still making circles around her nipple, which had grown hard. Realizing her hand was still on the back of Veronica's neck, she again brought her close, this time wetting her friend’s top lip with her tongue, then slowly tracing along her lips until both of them were wet. Nicole felt Veronica's nails dig into her breast and she groaned, the sound that escaped made both of them startle and freeze what they were doing. 

Nicole swallowed hard and turned away to reach the nearly empty bottle of brandy. She drank half, then handed it to Veronica who polished it off and tossed the empty bottle onto a pile of clothes on the floor. Her hand had moved off of Nicole's nipple when Nicole had turned for the bottle, but it returned to make contact with her body again, gently running fingers along Nicole's stomach. Nicole shuddered, moving her own hand to grab for the waistband of Veronica's jeans and pull her body closer. She stopped herself before reaching to unbutton the pants, looking at her friend carefully. “This is a secret, right? We're gonna be okay?” 

Veronica gave a small nod of acceptance, moving her hand lower, down Nicole's pants. Her fingertips felt the soft hair that was down there and stopped, gently petting it. Nicole moved to unbutton the other girl’s jeans and fumbled clumsily with the button before they came loose. She unzipped the pants all the way down, and tugged them lower, but not off. Her eyes flicked down, the dark curly hair down there matching Veronica's dark wavy tresses on her head. She pressed her hand against the now exposed pussy, rubbing her hand back up. The base of her fingers were damp. She felt Veronica's fingers lower, then a soft touch to her already slippery lips. Nicole exhaled slowly, feeling more warmth surge from the pit of her stomach and around Veronica's fingers. Nicole took her hand from Veronica and moved it to cover Veronica's hand, pushing the other hand upwards and feeling her own hand slide easily, getting covered with the slick fluid. She carried it over and rubbed her wet hand over Veronica's vagina, causing Veronica to gasp and grind against Nicole's hand, spreading the warm cum across her lips before Nicole bent one of her fingers, slipping it in just barely. Veronica's hand mimicked Nicole's, sliding her middle finger in the already soaked opening. Their breathing was heavy as their fingers dipped inside each other, exploring, moving from clit and down inside, slowly going deeper as they got more daring. Nicole felt Veronica's muscles contract around her finger and she instinctively pushed another finger inside, moving them deep within her and slowly pulling out and thrusting back in. Veronica moaned and her fingers trembled as they worked to move faster, concentrating on Nicole's hard clit. “Ohhh,” Nicole moaned softly, moving her free hand down to guide Veronica's hand lower, encouraging her to finger her. Her body froze as she felt the pressure from her fingers slide in easily. She tried to concentrate on what she was doing, pushing fingers in and pulling them back out. Soon, she felt Veronica start to quake, her body shaking ever so slightly as she gasped for breath. Nicole went deep, staying inside and stroking the walls gently. As Veronica's body twitched and her hips rose, Nicole's hand that was guiding Veronica's moved up to touch her sensitive clit. Nicole’s body shuddered and shook as Veronica’s gasps and moans grew louder. Nicole withdrew the hand fondling her own clit and moved it to Veronica's face, bringing her face closer to engage in a kiss, hoping to muffle her sexy sounds. Their bodies pressed closer as they quivered together, both close to climax. The kiss was sloppy as their bodies tried to match the other’s pace. Nicole bit Veronica's lip as she felt a powerful clamp around her fingers and warmth rushed over her fingers, still deep inside. Moments later Nicole’s body jerked as she came. Veronica's mouth covered Nicole's after she let out an involuntary high pitched squeal of euphoria. Both finally spent, Nicole laid back, withdrawing her fingers. She wiped the dampness off on her thigh. She felt Veronica's fingers slide out of her, one last twitch as they left. She felt Veronica use her inner thigh to wipe Nicole's cum off her fingers before she also laid back with a contented sigh. 

“Shit Haught, that was … hot,” she snickered at her joke and Nicole smiled weakly, energy totally drained. She didn't even feel the now melted ice packs that had fallen off her knee and were buried underneath her leg as she passed out, the smile not leaving her lips. 

***

It was the loud shriek from the doorway that woke the duo. Nicole felt less awake, just more aware of the intense symphony of pain her body was in. Her head throbbed like someone was building a fortress inside her skull and the right side of her face felt like a million red hot knives cutting their way out of her cheek. Nicole vaguely felt the bed shift next to her. She forced her eyes open, rubbing the eye crust away. Veronica had rolled out of the bed and was sitting on the other side, cradling her head in her hands. Whoever had screamed already retreated back up the stairs. 

“Mother of God, I feel like shit,” Veronica mumbled towards the floor. “How about you?”

Nicole winced as she looked down at her leg and let out a gasp. “Check this out,” she gestured to the dark purple swollen mass that used to be her knee. Veronica's eyes got wide. 

“Damn, Nic, you gonna go to the hospital and get that checked out?” Nicole shook her head, which was a complete mistake as the throbbing intensified. Veronica slid off the bed, mumbling about little sisters waking up too early. “Going to school?” 

“Yeah, it's my only escape these days. Plus I need to keep my grades up if I'm going to be considered for the Peace Corps.” Nicole slowly lifted herself up to rest on her elbows.

Veronica rolled her eyes, “really? You're still on about that?” 

“Yeah, I mean… our world is huge, don't you want to see it while you're young?” Nicole managed to sit up fully, but a wave of dizziness hit and she threw a hand over her mouth, eyes scoping the room for something to be sick in. Veronica saw the urgency and threw her a towel that was on the floor. Almost immediately Nicole emptied the contents of her stomach into the towel. Mostly it was the brandy from the previous night. The night before, which suddenly flashed through her head all at once. “Uhh … Veronica? Did we … “ she couldn't even say the words. How could she have been so careless? She hadn't come out to anyone yet. Hell, she’d only just realized she was gay in the last couple months. 

“Nothing happened,” Veronica stated flatly. The sudden change in the tone of her voice let Nicole know to leave the conversation well enough alone, something she was more than happy to do. It really wasn't the way she expected to come out of the closet. Well, technically she still hadn't come out, she was just no longer a virgin. 

Nicole eased her legs off the bed, gingerly putting her feet to the floor and breathing a sigh of relief that her leg, as bad as it looked, functioned just fine. “Well, guess I'm sitting on the bleachers at track today,” she sighed. “What time is it, anyway?”

Veronica squinted her eyes at the clock next to her bed. “Uhh, eight? We gotta get dressed and get to school if we want to make it by first period. I think I have some pants that would fit you, but they'll be a little short.”

Wordlessly the two girls got dressed and Nicole drove them to school in the truck. The day seemed to go fine, Nicole sat out for the running portion of track, instead working on her archery skills. Her aim was excellent and she was poised to go to State to compete with the best.

***

Nicole approached her house, not looking forward to seeing her father. A thought suddenly dawned on her: would Veronica tell her parents? Would they call her father? She hesitated on the doorstep. She currently didn’t have anyone she could talk to about anything. She lingered outside of the door before her feet carried her back to school and right back into Ms. Branch’s classroom. She was seated at her desk, hunched over. Nicole stood in the doorway, wondering how to approach her teacher. 

It turned out she didn’t have to. Ms. Branch looked up and saw her, motioning her inside. “Nicole,” she smiled, “what can I do for you?” She pulled a stranded chair close to the desk. Nicole noticed the silence of the school. It was just after 4pm and almost all the kids had left. There was an atmosphere of calm that permeated through the building. 

Nicole slumped into the chair and suddenly words started tumbling out before she could catch them. She was talking about her brother’s death and the subsequent familial chaos that ensued. She told her about her recent beating from a couple nights ago, and feeling alone because her best friend decided to stop speaking to her, though Nicole stopped short of explaining why since she was still processing that. She finally ended with, “and I think I might be queer.” She left it open and ambiguous, but now she had said it out loud, finally. And in front of another human being, no less. After the whirlwind of talking, the silence that followed was deafening. Nicole shifted in the seat, holding her breath. She mentally recited her mantra: Always, no matter what, be yourself. You have the biggest heart of everyone I know. Don't let anyone break that. Don't break, Nicole. I love you and I always will. She was being herself, finally. That made her breathe easier. 

She looked up at the older woman, and was surprised to see her with tears in her eyes as she reached for a tissue from the box on her desk. Once her eyes were dry, she put a comforting hand on Nicole's back. “Wow, Nicole. You've been through an awful lot. I can tell you are a strong woman,” she paused and Nicole felt a sense of pride well up inside. “Have you talked to anyone else? About any of this?” 

Nicole shrugged, “I was put in therapy for a while after Danny died, but it didn't do anything for me. I think,” Nicole looked at her hands, “sometimes I think my mom might've stayed if I just told her what was going on.”

A sympathetic nod and a rub of Nicole's shoulder made her feel a bit better. She almost forgot about the school giving her the cold shoulder. “Listen. I think you have an incredible spirit inside of you. I don't know what it's like to lose a twin, but I imagine it's pretty devastating. As far as your father… can you get away? Do you have a safe place to go?” Nicole's head shook slowly. “Well,” Ms. Branch drummed her fingers on her chin, then turned to her desk and slid open a drawer to get a pad of post-it notes. She scribbled on it and peeled it off, “here is my cell phone number and address. Please, don't hesitate to call or even just show up anytime.” She handed the sticky note over and Nicole slipped it in her pocket. She felt the crumpled note from Veronica that was still in there.

“Thank you, Ms. Branch. I really, really appreciate this,” Nicole gave her a small smile. “Oh, and thanks for listening. It means a lot to me.”

“Do you have someplace to be tonight? Will you be safe?” Nicole's extended silence was answer enough for the teacher. “I have a friend that often helps runaway teens, I'm sure she could help you find a place to sleep tonight. I can give you a ride, if you'd like?” She quirked an eyebrow questioningly. Nicole thought about the consequences. She wondered if her father would consider her unexplained nights away from home. How many could she string together at a time? Should she worry about packing a bag? 

She decided she could manage through whatever came. “Yeah, that'd be great.” Ms. Branch collected her work and locked her classroom and the two headed to the parking lot.

Ms. Branch drove to a teen drop-in center, where she introduced her friend Janelle to Nicole. Janelle was older than Nicole expected. She was a tall black woman who had a dazzling smile. She ushered Nicole inside the center and led her to a room in the back. There were wall partitions coming up to Nicole's chin that were sectioning off the room into six parts. Each section had a single size bed, a nightstand with a small lamp on it, and a small dresser. Janelle led Nicole to an empty cubicle and gestured her in. “You are free to leave whenever you'd like, but we lock the doors at midnight. They open back up at 8am. No guests allowed. There is a community room and kitchen that is open to the youth staying here anytime. No smoking or alcohol allowed on the premise, that will get you dismissed immediately. We ask that you be respectful while in the dorm area and try to keep phone calls and conversations to a minimum, that's what the community room is for. During our business hours the community room is open to teens as a drop-in center and hangout for kids that don't have a place to go. We open our doors at 8am and close at 9:30pm. The dorm area is off-limits to anyone except those who are staying here. Do you have any questions?”

Nicole shook her head and dropped her backpack in the corner next to the dresser. “Thanks, I appreciate this.” 

“Oh hon, you just worry about you now.” The woman patted her arm, “let me know if I can help you with anything.” She smiled radiantly and Nicole couldn't help but return the smile. “Hoo, girl! You have got dimples for days!” Nicole looked down and blushed. She knew she had dimples, her brother had them too, but no one ever noticed them enough to tell her. “I'll see you and that smile of yours later,” Janelle flashed another wide smile before exiting the small room. 

Nicole took another look around the bland room before laying on the bed. It was still early, but she needed the rest. 

***

The next morning, Nicole caught an early bus back to her house so she could change her clothes before school. The house was quiet and she made some toast for breakfast before she gathered some things for school and hurried off. Her day at school was blissfully uneventful. It was Friday, finally the end of the week. As she approached the doors to leave for the weekend, she saw a flyer for the hockey game tonight. She'd forgotten about it entirely with the crazy week she had. Nicole loved hockey, and didn't have any other plans for the evening. She decided she'd go to the game to take her mind off things, at least for a couple hours. 

Nicole was glad she went. The game was exciting and her team was victorious in the end. She cheered and yelled in the post game excitement and one of the guys from the team winked at her. She smiled back, then remembered Janelle’s comment on her dimples and looked away. The player skated over to her, then hung over the boards to talk with her. “Hey, the team is having a party to celebrate, want to come?” Nicole looked him over. Dark, sweaty curls poked out from under his helmet. He was giving her puppy dog eyes, complete with lips formed into a perfect pout. “C’mon, it'll be a great time. Unless your sexy self already has a date tonight?”

Nicole blushed, she wasn't used to being flirted with and it felt flattering. “It's your lucky day, I just happen to be free.” She smiled and tucked a stray bit of her red hair behind her ear as she attempted to flirt back. 

“Great! Let me get changed and I'll meet you in the lobby,” he gave her a thumbs up with a gloved hand and skated off the ice and into the locker room.

Nicole made her way to use the bathroom and give herself a once-over. She brushed a few stray lint pieces off her pants, straightened her shirt out, made sure there was nothing stuck between her teeth, and combed her hands through her hair. She stared at herself in the mirror for a few minutes before deciding to braid her hair. Satisfied with herself, she walked to the lobby. The spectators were mostly gone, though there were a few stragglers. She saw a couple guys had left the locker room already, their huge bags resting on half-hunched over backs. Nicole was looking at the wall and reading random plaques of former players when she felt a tap on her shoulder. “Hey, you ready? By the way, I’m Grant,” he set down the 70 pound bag of equipment to hold a hand out. 

Nicole shook it, “I’m Nicole. Nice to meet you. And, congratulations on the game winner!” her eyes lit up, remembering that she had jumped up and let out a loud cheer as the goal horn sounded.

“Ah, it wasn’t anything fancy,” he picked up the heavy bag with a grunt and countered the weight by using the hockey sticks to walk, “I was just in the right place at the right time.” Nicole followed him to his car and watched him load the gigantic bag and sticks into what seemed like the world’s smallest car. “Hope you don’t mind, but the sticks are going to be right next to the seat.”

Nicole ducked her head and got into the two-door coup. He was right, the two sticks were shoved in the middle of the seats, the position of the bag in the back seat holding them firmly in place. She didn’t have much room to push the seat back, so her knees were bent in front of her. She hoped the place wasn’t too far away. 

Nicole could hear the thumping music as soon as they got out of the car. She rubbed her legs to get some blood flowing through them as Grant came around to guide her to the door like a gentleman. Nicole allowed herself to be led to the door. 

The euphoric atmosphere of the party overcame Nicole. She loosened up after a drink and was soon laughing with the hockey players. She heard a lighter flick next to her and a moment later Grant tapped her arm, passing a rolled cigarette to her. She gave him a puzzled look, then shook her head. She didn’t smoke. Grant exhaled a puff of smoke at her and urged the cigarette towards her again. The smoke drifted under her nose and she realized it was marijuana. She pinched the joint and held it to her mouth, hand shaking, but she chickened out and passed it to the guy next to her. She watched the drug get passed around for a few minutes before Grant took her hand and stood, nodding to the door. 

She got the hint, and they left the house. She squished back into the limited space the car afforded. “So … where do you live?” he asked her. Nicole hesitated, checking her phone for the time. It was 11:47 and the drop-in center was about twenty minutes away. She chewed on her lower lip as she thought of her options. “If you need a place to stay I can help,” he offered. Nicole wasn’t sure, but she didn’t really want to go home so she gave him a nod. He started the car and drove.

They arrived in a quiet neighborhood and pulled up to a house that was dark except for the porch light. Grant led Nicole into the quiet house and down the hallway to his bedroom. There were a million thoughts running through Nicole’s head at the moment and it was making her dizzy. Or maybe it was the booze from the party. The two were sitting awkwardly next to each other on the bed in silence. Nicole felt the bed shift as Grant moved to put his arm around her and before she realized what was happening, felt his dry, cracked lips on hers. She jerked her head away from his out of surprise. Immediately, he had a sheepish embarrassed look on his face and pulled his arm back, “Uh, I’m sorry, I’m kind of new at this sort of stuff…” 

Nicole, getting over the surprise, nodded, “Yeah, me too actually,” she bit her tongue as she thought about the other night with Veronica. Veronica, who had already smeared her name around school. Apparently the rumor mill hadn’t reached the jocks yet. Anyway, was she really an all-out lesbian? She’d had a total of one sexual encounter, and it was still very fresh for her. Maybe testing the waters here could solve two issues: affirm if she is gay, and quell the nasty whispers that were already swirling around school about her. She realized there was a long silence, and she tried to break it, “Um, so how new are you?” Ugh, what a lame thing to say, Haught, she chastised herself.

“I sort of had one girlfriend, but she broke up with me before we got past kissing,” he started picking at something on his jeans nervously, “how about you?”

Nicole felt her insides get cold. She gave an honest, though slightly deceptive answer, “I’ve never done anything like this,” with a guy, she added to herself silently. Using that line to her advantage, she gathered her courage and turned her body to lean in for a second attempt at a kiss. Grant must have licked his lips, because she didn’t feel the roughness she did a few moments ago. 

“Oh, wow,” he breathed after the short kiss, “your lips are so soft!” 

Nicole lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “I guess chapstick really does work?” 

“Yeah, I guess I should try some. Probably not around the team though, I’d never hear the end of it.” 

There was an awkward pause as neither knew what to say. Nicole was fighting her indecision in her mind as to what she was going to do. Finally, one side won and she gathered herself up. “We should probably stop talking if we’re going to keep going,” she wasn’t sure what his reaction would be, but she felt like she’d done her part in the matter. His cheeks flushed slightly, but he moved onto the bed properly, allowing Nicole some space to lay down. It was a small twin size bed, which left Nicole longing for Veronica’s queen size. She settled in the middle of the bed, head resting on Grant’s pillow. He lowered his body down, one of his legs between hers, and the other just on the other side of her right leg. His left arm slid under the pillow her head was on, and his right hand timidly reached under her shirt and rested on her boob. He bent his head down for a kiss. 

Nicole reached up to unbutton his jeans. The right hand that had been resting on Nicole's chest moved to his waist as he started tugging the pants down, finally kicking them off completely. The boxers that were underneath showed a bulge in them, reminding Nicole of what was in there. She put a hand on his chest to stop him and broke the kiss. “Do you have a condom?” A flash of worry crossed his eyes.

“Shit. Uh, yeah … somewhere …” he got off the bed and dug in a dresser drawer for a few moments before withdrawing his hand, triumphantly holding a small square of plastic. Nicole had decided to take her pants off herself, saving time and would likely have been a clumsy and awkward situation. Grant pulled his boxers off, letting them fall to the floor as he tore the condom wrapper with his teeth and rolled the rubber down over his already erect penis. Before he returned to the bed, Grant took Nicole's pants and folded them neatly, setting them on his dresser. Nicole couldn't help but smile at the thoughtful gesture. 

Grant returned to the bed, starting to angle his dick towards Nicole's opening. She reached down for it and rubbed the head up and down along her slit. She heard a gasp from Grant and saw him close his eyes. Nicole slid her other hand down to her clit, rubbing it slowly as she tried to work herself up. Instinctively she knew it wouldn't feel good if she wasn't wet. Grant’s eyes were still shut as Nicole released him and brought her hand to her mouth, spitting into it and rubbing the wet saliva onto her vagina. Slowly, she guided his penis so it touched the lips of her vagina before she let go, switching hands so her dominant hand continued to rub her clit up and down before settling into slow circles. Her eyes closed and her mind drifted back to Veronica. She remembered the smooth touches and the intense kissing. She felt pressure as Grant started to push himself inside. Her free hand went to his chest as he understood it to mean stop. Nicole's fingers stopped rubbing the clit and reached down to her vagina, one finger sliding up his shaft as he pulled out again, eyes opening to make sure she was still into it. Nicole brought her hand to her mouth again for more saliva, this time encircling her freshly wet hand around his penis, rubbing the spit along the smooth latex. She gently ran a finger down the back of the penis, allowing him permission to continue as her fingers danced along her clit. Grant pushed against her, but stopped before he dove in and settled the smooth head against the lips of her vagina. Flashes of the other night jumped back into her head. The warm breath close to her face as she and Veronica kissed, tongues sliding against each other. She shuddered as she remembered her fingers practically swimming in warmth. Her fingers stopped momentarily as she raised her hips, feeling the hard dick that was right there. Grant took this as a cue to thrust forward gently. His body quivered as he felt the tight skin around him. Nicole’s fingers worked at her clit as she brought forth more memories. She moaned as she thought of her hand sinking into Veronica's wet warmth. Her own wetness as Veronica's slender fingers dipped inside. The feeling of pressure around her fingers as Veronica climaxed. Haught’s breathing quickened as she imagined Veronica's fingers inside her, thrusting in and retreating. Her own fingers worked diligently as she started to feel small pulses of electricity course through her body. She vaguely heard the bed creaking, and a soft, rhythmic thump thump as the headboard of the bed met the wall with Grant’s thrusts. He grunted as he kept going, suddenly faster and harder than Nicole expected, breaking her from the reverie of her memories. Then he suddenly froze while he was inside of her, a strangled sounding gasp as he presumably orgasmed. Nicole felt him shift, then a relief of some of the pressure as his penis became soft and he withdrew it, still gasping as he rolled to her side and caught his breath. 

Nicole was left with a sense of disappointment and unfulfilled desires. She felt like she'd barely gotten started and it was over already. Her question was firmly answered now, she was definitely gay. She laid in the bed staring at the ceiling, wondering if this was just how “first times” went with boys. Nicole wondered if she should say something to Grant, if it was expected. The bed shifted again as Grant eased out, holding the used condom with the tips of his fingers. Nicole held back a gag as she realized what it was. She decided she would keep her mouth closed and try to sleep as she watched Grant disappear into the hallway with the condom. 

***

Nicole and Grant were dating. Thankfully it seemed to quell the whispers that Nicole always thought were about her and Veronica. Instead, she had to deal with the hockey team knowing she and Grant had sex because apparently the locker room is sacred ground where anything and everything is discussed. From the things Grant told her, she surmised boys were bigger gossips than girls. much to her relief, Grant hadn't asked her if she wanted to have sex again. 

It took almost three weeks before Nicole found a note in her locker with her friend's familiar writing on it. She stared at the folded piece of blue lined paper with her name scrawled across haphazardly. Nicole chewed on her lip as she leaned against her locker. She was debating on if she should open the note now, or wait until after the final bell rang. Too curious to wait, she opened the letter. It began, “Nicole, the things I wrote to you are unforgivable, I know. I'm not asking for forgiveness. My little sister ratted us out to my parents, who threatened to cut me off of everything unless I stopped being your friend. That sounded really selfish … I’m not trying to make any excuses for what I wrote and what you had to deal with. I want you to know I'm so sorry and I understand if you don't want to see me again, but I'd really like my friend back. If you don't completely hate me, meet me at the library after school. xoxo, -R”

The hand holding the note shook. What the hell did this mean? The bell indicating class was in session startled her out of her thoughts. Nicole hurried through the hall and saw Ms. Branch in the hallway outside of her classroom, about to pull the door closed and begin class. Nicole sprinted towards the door and breezed past the teacher, who gave her a sideways look as Nicole slid into her seat. The whole hour she debated on what she would do after class. Her foot tapped under the desk with a mind of its own. When the bell rang, she let her feet carry her to the meeting spot, almost as if she still wasn't sure and was letting her subconscious take over. 

Veronica was leaning against the wall in front of the library. Nicole thought she looked just as nervous as she felt. She cleared her throat and stepped in front of her in one stride. Their eyes met and Veronica offered a small smile.

Nicole stood there, her arms hung at her side as she considered what she was supposed to do. She tucked a stray red lock behind her ear. As she did, she felt Veronica's warm embrace surround her. She wrapped her arms around her friend, returning the hug. It was as if the anger melted away and things were back to normal suddenly. Nicole felt herself smiling as they released each other. Veronica's eyes were wet and she rubbed the tears away with the palm of her hand. “I … didn't really expect you to come,” Veronica confessed shakily. 

Nicole shrugged, “I wasn't sure I'd come either.” With that admission, they started walking out of the school building, chatting to catch up with what they've been doing. The topic eventually turned to Grant.

“What's he like? Have you slept with him??” Nicole tried to discern if there was any hint of jealousy in her voice, but couldn't. 

“He's okay. He's nice when he's not with his buddies, but can be pretty immature. And, yeah… but only once.” 

“Are you excited for the spring tourney this weekend?” Nicole stopped walking and stared at Veronica. 

“Holy shit, I forgot all about it!” 

Veronica smirked, “some attentive girlfriend you are.” Nicole punched her arm playfully. “Can I be your date?” 

Nicole felt her insides freeze. A date? Her date? What was that supposed to mean? Veronica stepped in, stumbling over her words, “I mean, not a date date, but as friends, you know. Unless,” a quick pause and Nicole's heart jumped as the next words tumbled into her ears, “unless that's something you'd want. But no pressure, I know you're with Grant and you probably don't even like me that way.” Veronica shook her head, as if trying to clear her thoughts. “You can totally ignore that. Actually, please do ignore it, I feel like a dumbass.”

Nicole opened her mouth, closed it, then decided to kiss her on the cheek. “We can go. As friends,” she added, firmly. 

***

The next day they were at the first game. The opposing team was Purgatory High, a small school about a hundred miles away. Veronica was back with popcorn and sat next to Nicole. “So I was reading up on them and they've always been a shitty team, but two years ago they had this amazing playoff season and came home with the first place trophy, so I guess don't rule them out.” She threw a piece of popcorn in her mouth. 

Nicole scooped a handful of the buttery kernels into her hand and plucked one into her mouth with her tongue. “I'm indifferent. Win or lose I'm sure Grant will be hanging out with the team and being obnoxious. I'm trying to think of a good excuse to avoid him this weekend,” she paused thoughtfully, “do you think I could pass off being sick?” She brought her elbow to her mouth and gave a small fake cough.

Veronica shook her head, “nope, sorry girl.” The hockey game had started already and the two turned to settle in and watch. Nicole had finished the popcorn in her hand and dove into the bag for another scoop when she caught a flash of light out of the corner of her eye. She turned to look and saw the Purgatory High cheerleaders with their blue and white shiny pom poms just finishing a cheer for their team. 

Nicole's jaw dropped open and she smacked Veronica's face on accident trying to get her attention, “Is that even legal? Look at how short those skirts are. It's so … degrading,” Nicole stated, as if she wasn't enjoying the outfits even a teensy bit. She made a show of rolling her eyes, but stopped dead when she saw a brunette hunched over, pulling up the knee high socks. She watched as the girl stood up and Nicole estimated she couldn't have been much taller than 5’. There was something about her that felt almost familiar, which was weird since she'd never seen this girl in her life. The girl must have felt Nicole's stare, because she suddenly looked in their direction. Their eyes met and Nicole felt her face warm slightly. She couldn't help herself from smiling before she looked down at her feet, suddenly shy and very aware of her relatively newfound sexuality. She was embarrassed and hoped the girl didn't think she was a creep. 

“Uh, hello? Earth to Nicole?” She saw Veronica's hand wave in front of her face as she focused on her friend. 

“S-sorry … I got lost in my thoughts I guess.” Her eyes darted back to the cheerleader, but the moment they shared was gone, and she was concentrating on her team. 

“Yeah, your thoughts,” Veronica emphasized her words and used air quotes when she said ‘thoughts’. “I saw you checking out that hottie with a body.” She winked. “Want to move closer to them?”

“No!” The loudness of her voice surprised them both, and a few of the fans glared at her. “No,” she repeated more quietly, “I mean, what would I say? And anyway, she's busy. Also, I need to pee,” Nicole stood up suddenly, and started walking to the bathroom. She didn't even have to go, but felt that she had to follow through at least. 

The rest of the game passed without another look from the cheerleader. Nicole felt deflated, but figured it was for the best since she probably wouldn't see her again. 

***

It was a week after graduation when Nicole ran to Veronica's house. She pounded on the door as she tried to catch her breath. Veronica's mom opened the door and Nicole zipped past, down into the basement bedroom. Without waiting for her friend to get out a ‘hey’ she thrust a piece of paper at her. 

Nicole waited approximately seven seconds before blurting out, “I made it in! In a couple days I fly out to my first assignment.” She watched as Veronica's eyes moved back and forth, reading the Peace Corps acceptance letter. 

“Wow Nic, congratulations. I'm super happy for you,” her friend gave her a sad smile. “I'm going to miss you. Two years is a long time.” 

Nicole sat down on Veronica's bed and nodded. “Yeah, it is.” They both sat in silence, neither knowing exactly what to say until Veronica walked over and gave her a final hug that seemed to last forever, but at the same time not long enough.


End file.
